You know its wrong, you know it’s going to hurt a bunch of people and maybe even yourself, you know you may regret it later, you know it’s horribly out of place in the divine order of things, but nonetheless you continue following the same beaten path where you feel compelled to do something that simply does not make any sense. Nothing is as it seems, nor is it otherwise, but this is one instance where the picture is so starkly and brilliantly painted that you’d be a fool to try to ignore what the colours are telling you. But a fool is what you are; You ignore the wake-up calls and reality checks, stubbornly refusing to even entertain the possibility that this is a huge mistake; you instead go on thinking you can make it work, you can change people, you can convince, persuade, and ply.
But at least this way, you’re trying. You’re not hiding away in your little alcove, refusing to take chances, running away from complications and anything that has the slightest hint of complexity in it. At least you’re putting yourself out there, despite knowing you’ll probably fall and scrape your knees and maybe even your heart, but at least, at least you’re THERE. You’re not absent or pretending to be, you’re not putting up an appearance every now and then, making a show out of caring just because you’re scared to realise you actually might genuinely give a damn. That’s what she does, that’s what she’s good at, not you.
You’re not someone who pretends to live on the edge and be some mighty trailblazer, in fact, you’re probably one of the most hesitant and cautious people around, but with this, you’re taking a bigger risk than you realise. But, at least, you’re doing it, and not wallowing away like her in a plastic bubble where the only thing that matters is the fact that, to her, nothing matters. That bubble will burst one day, maybe it already has and she’s keeping it patched up with false illusions, but she’ll never really know until she steps out of it. She says she’s NOT AFRAID but she’s more of a coward than you ever were. You know that now, don’t you, then why are you still so hell-bent on doing this? She may not ever give you what you want, what you deserve, what you crave, but that’ll all part of the magnetic pull, isn’t it? It’s the fact that you may not ever get in return what you give out in heartfuls that’s so damn addictive, and its just the attempt that matters. The trying, the sharing, the process of understanding a complete stranger, knowing the nitty gritties of what makes someone who they are. That’s what counts. And that’s where you win.