Sophomore year is over. That’s another 2 semesters of trying to learn useful stuff or acquire some sort of skillset that will come in handy when we’re thrown out into the big bad world of corporate ladders and cut-throat competition at the water coolers.
I can’t say all my courses have really taught me anything like that; I mean, its not like learning about Renoir and Delacroix is going to help me stay ahead in the rat race, right? In all the philosophy and literature courses I took, there was one theme that was common between them: that in order to find meaning in your life or for it to have any value, you have to subject yourself and become submissive to a cause greater and beyond yourself. I guess that’s where religion would come in, it’s that sort of faith that’s beyond the yardstick of human reason and its not limited to ratinality.
Everytime I come back home, I make it a point to work on myself and my faith a little more. In the grind of daily life, living alone in the dorms and without anyone telling me when to pray or what to do, I don’t really keep track of it as much as I should. That’s not an excuse but it’s all I’ve got. I know I believe and I know what I believe in, its just the outward demonstrations that Islam require that I fail to fulfill. And, since the inner and outer dimensions of an individual are intrinsically linked, no matter how strong my inner faith is, it becomes nullified if I don’t express it. So whenever I come back home, I try to become a little more spiritually stronger.
I’ve dabbled in the idea of not believing at all, and just renouncing it all but the only reason I found to do that was because the demands of religion are too great. But, whenever I am in a state of distress or something agonizes me to such an extent that I find no comfort on myself or in those around me, I’ve realised that the solace comes only from religious consciousness and appealing a higher authority in whom I have faith.
Nothing fixes itself, there is no automatic renewal or regeneration. It all comes from somewhere. Even if something becaomes okay on its own, it’s because of an inner energy it possesses that ensures that the damage will be repaired, there is something potent that is the cause of the fix, the cause of all causes. Whenever I am really upset about something that is not in my control or angry about something that I wish was, I’ve found comfort in being able to just talk to God in my own way and ask him for some help and reassurance that it will all be okay.
The next day, when the day dawns bright and my spirits are refreshed, I can feel that invisible pat on the back and I can feel that something is telling me, it will all shape up.