I feel so uninspired nowadays. It has nothing to do with anything, I think it’s just that I am so faarigh now. That’s a word I learnt in Lahore, faarigh. Quite literally, it means to be totally, completely free, with nothing to do at all. Idle, I suppose.
They say, the idle mind is the evil’s workshop. More than the saying, I often think about who “they” are. Ancient Greek sophists? Babylonian demi-gods? Emperors of bygone Persia or Mongolia? Or, everyday people like you and I who are so faarigh that we sit around, twiddling our thumbs, and think of such nonsensical sayings?
My mind has been idle for about 10 days. It’s a strange feeling, especially after spending a year away at university, where everyday is an uphill battle, mentally speaking, of course. After a year of assignment deadlines, cramming for midterms, final exams, and sporadic pop quizzes, it feels peculiar to be sitting at home day in and day out with nothing to worry about except deciding what time I want to work out and what I feel like eating for dinner. It’s not usual to not having to stress about scoring well, and staying ahead of the rat race, and maintaining a facade of confidence even while knowing that, although I may have been a straight-A student at high school, I was just average on a campus inhabited by the cream of Pakistan’s intelligentsia.
So although my mind, at the moment, is startlingly idle and worry-free, I wonder why there isn’t some deviant little leprachaun-like creature tap dancing in there, evoking radical ideas, inducing me to summon up my conscience as a defense. But, there is nothing. Nada. Zilch. It seems that, with me, even the hellish degenerate Beelzebub is loitering around, lackadaisical, and most definitely faarigh to boot.